EMOTIONALLY SHUTTING DOWN

dearest all,

feeling x soo good....mentally and physically drained...berlari dan terus aku berlari mengejar masa yang kesempitan ini menghabiskan selonggok kerja yang bertimbun-timbun ibarat gunung everest..im x a multi-task person, cant hit 2 birds with one stone, bukan serampang 2 mata dan peribahasa seumpamanya...kena satu satu if not macam ni lah jadinya.

pressure from writing is one things ditambah berat aku yg x turun-turun lagi ni, mcm nak gila aku rasa..nak je aku hempuk scale tu, pastu nampak plak 'that number' kat mamat senget...cish humiliating betul rasanya. A thing about me is I CARE WHAT OTHER THINK BOUT ME...well, x good some would sed..be confident and chin up, i shud do that instead of thinking what will ppl think abt me..im sorry that is me!

1 week, ive try to concentrate with my writing but phone calls non stop ringging, sometimes i think i just shud turn it off..pardon me ppl, im trying hard to finish my work here, sorry for my rudeness..another thing, question and question, im tired of thinking of the answer when im oso struggling with the words to write..

Oh God, i wish i am in isolated place not here, please not here..far from this disturbance...~sigh~

Strength

maybe no one tell u there a strength in your tears, tats why u keep it from pouring down...

~Kelly Clarkson 'if no one will'~

dalam pulling myself to the max nak habiskan writing ni, i love to hear this song, feel very encouraging and bersemangat skit. When i submit part by part of my thesis, feel like the burden has been lifted out..leganyaaaa

these next 2 months, i need to settle habis-habis all my 'jiken', probably in mei just tinggal histology work..insyaAllah..cross finger ladies...hehe....now my nights was filled wit dreaming of my thesis..tengah malam pun boleh jaga teringat dah siap or belum thesis..tulah la degi x nak tulis awal2 dulu, now padan muka diri sendiri...

ok people, wish the best for me and now im heating up my engine nak dapat another 2 page for 'causative agent' chapter..hehe..yosh gambarou!!!!

selfishness

~ If all the people in this world, in which we live, were as selfish as a few of the people in this world, in which we live, there would be no world in which to live. ~ W.L.Orm

well, at the first place, im quite dissapointed actually by some ppl reactions towards our bday celebration's tonite but now...wah it ended so well, perhaps very overwhelmed indeed...haha...macam goreng panas..before this, we have to find people to fill in the seats but now dont have xtra seats to fill in..haha..hwr, deep in my heart, i macam nak cakap..'serve u, before this x nak, complain mahal and watever..now last minute bila semua nak p, baru nak join..amik hang"....ur selfishness at first place ending u up in miserable place now, cant join us for the fun....well, im sorry i think u deserve it..ooopssss

LAZY BUMP VIRUS

i am infected with lazy bump virus and i just want to eat, eat eat....please help me concentrate, picaso! picaso! picaso!

Last serving of Pasta

this week is the final episode of pasta... im gonna miss chef choi hyun wook and song hye kyung and seongsaenim (alex) he is cool....haha..however, still have SFFTS and chuno which will end perhaps end of march. Well, there new dramas line up as replacement and i have found some to be watch later...however, many thanks to great viikii sub team esp palikero who providing me eng sub for pasta...to u guys aja-aja fighting and gamsaphamnida

RAIN

....................rain rain please dont go away............................

this is hard

this is hard because....

i cant decide on it or is it maybe i think too much. shud i continue or shud i just ignore it and wait for other choices but what if there are no other choices later on. my mom sed wait until for the umrah and pray to God and let Allah open a way for me..i wish too but can he wait until that time, will he be there that time. maybe im too sacred tat wat mama sed to me before..im afraid of commitment, im afraid to try..but i think what im afraid is being hurt and making the wrong choice..

i dunno oh God i dunno, im scared when im making my mind i might bump into someone better later and might change my mind that time.. i dun want to hurt other feeling..the truth there is no single tingle feeling in my heart when i look at his photo..i believe when u met ur partner, u will feel connection, chemistry la kot katakan..or maybe tis is the best standard for me..well, i dun have look sincerely sed so perhaps this is the best for me..but at least i wish i can have someone a bit more like the lost future partner last time..haha..owh now im being choosyyy.....;P